Transformation Through Grieving

Often when we think of grief, it's during a difficult situation or a time of loss that includes discomfort. We may find ourselves wanting to avoid the feelings that we are experiencing. If we can change our perspective on grief and look at it as a tool for transformation, we can turn the process into something that benefits us as we move forward, especially in spaces of great change.

If we can think about the grieving process as a way of helping us get from one place to the next, we can move forward in life more smoothly and effectively. Grief can be thought of as the emotional reset button. This doesn't mean it will be easy, but let's remember, great change and transformation are not easy things to make happen. It takes work. It can be difficult when the transition is happening, but remember, transitional times in life are not designed to last; they are only temporary because it is an active process. This is where grieving takes place, and it too lives in a transitional space.

The grieving process consists of five stages: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. These stages can occur in any order at any time. The loss of anything—a person, place, environment, or things—is devastating in many ways, and when it happens it is often not reversible. Therefore, it's essential that we go through each of these stages to move past whatever has happened and into a new state of being.

If we avoid the grieving process and block the accompanying emotions, we never get to the next phase of life. For example, if you lose a loved one and don't allow yourself to go through the grieving process, there is an avoidance of emotion that will linger. We never want to just move on because a loved one will always have special meaning and the memory is sacred. It is essential to transition into a new way of life without their physical presence. This concept is true when anything that was once present in our lives is now gone. The problem begins when we avoid this process, don't move on, and become stuck because we haven't processed what happened.

Another common example of avoiding letting go is being stuck in an "era" of our lives. This stuck-ness can show up on the outside as well. It is likely that most of us know or have known someone people who appear to be living in the past. This is one's own choice; however, we must understand the limitations that can be created by choosing to stay in a mental space and that may prevent further growth. Resistance to changing as a person is real because it can be scary to think about letting go of who we were and the unknown of what we will become. This fear is especially present when we are alone in the process. To change and evolve, we must grieve the loss of who we once were. Some of us choose to avoid the emotions that come with this process by utilizing behaviors that aid in numbing them or dissociating from the discomfort. Substance abuse, work, exercise, food, sex, or anything else that helps us avoid the feelings are not uncommon ways to avoid the discomfort that comes with change. I have attempted to use many of these ways of avoiding emotions, and inevitably they stopped working.

If we can look at loss or change as an opportunity to implement the grieving process and work through the steps, we will find ourselves getting through this transitional space where we can then welcome what is to come and let go of what was. I remind myself daily that "The only way out is through." To transform, we need to get through that space of transition. The grieving process is an amazing tool to help us move forward.

For more discussion on transformation through grieving, I have expanded on this idea on video. Click the link below below to watch.

Transformation Through Grieving