Safety for Transformation

Why is safety an important aspect of transformation? Well, transformation requires openness and vulnerability. Humans are designed to survive physically and emotionally. If we perceive anything around us, including others or ourselves to be unsafe, we won't be able to enter that space of openness or vulnerability. Humans are designed for survival, and this plays a significant role in safety.

When we get hurt physically, our body attempts to heal or overcompensate with a different body part to keep us going, surviving, and safe. Eventually, pain sets in with the supporting body part that's taking the brunt of the work because it’s not designed to do so. Problems start occurring and that pain can become immobilizing.

When we get emotionally wounded or our emotions are invalidated, a different emotion is likely to take over to keep us going. It's like physical overcompensation, but now we're using the wrong emotional response to survive. For example, if it is not safe to be scared, one might become angry or begin people pleasing to survive and feel safe. Getting mad was a response that can keep people away. Making sure everyone is happy helps create a perception that the environment less dangerous. As a result, we cannot not be vulnerable, but instead get mad, which often causes issues in relationship and an inability to be vulnerable, open, or become close to others. If we can't be scared, we won’t allow people to comfort us, help us, or feel safe to let down emotional walls. If we feel responsible for how everyone feels, we cannot be our authentic self because we  must create a persona to stabilize the environment.

Many of us get stuck in similar emotional overrides because our minds are protecting us from feeling unsafe, keeping us in survival mode. We repeat the same patterns and relational dynamics that our minds are clinging to for safety, even when they're doing us harm. Safety also encompasses what we have established as normal. Anything that has become normal and keeps us feeling safe is difficult to stop engaging in, even if it is causing us harm. Stepping outside of that normal or comfortable space is often perceived to be unsafe. Nothing will allow us to be open and vulnerable enough to make these changes unless we can feel safe enough to look at the root of what we must heal.

“Safety is not the absence of threat; it is the presence of connection.” Gabor Mate.

This includes a connection with ourselves.

The key here is becoming empowered to feel safe enough on your own to look at the pain, feel what we have been avoiding, and then explore what comes next. The problem is that we may not know where to start, and we may not know what to look for on our own. A guide, coach, or therapist with personal experience is a good place to start. The key is to feel a connection with that person and with yourself so you can be honest with them, and most importantly, with you.

If you're interested in a deeper dive, check out the link to the video below.

Safety for Transformation