Chasing vs. Attracting: How to Stop Forcing Connections and Start Building True Community

Let me ask you a question that might hit a little close to home: Do you chase people, or do you attract them?

It sounds simple enough, but when you really look at the difference between the two, it can completely change how you approach your relationships, your friendships, and how you show up in the world.

Let's dive into why chasing is exhausting you, and how shifting to a mindset of attraction can help you find the aligned community you’ve been looking for.

The Exhausting Reality of Chasing

We’ve all been there. When you’re chasing someone, you are doing everything in your power to keep that person in your life.

Chasing often means:

• Shapeshifting: Being someone you aren’t just to make sure they stay around.

• Over-accommodating: Constantly bending over backward, ignoring your own boundaries.

• Overfunctioning: Doing all the heavy lifting because you assume that’s what they want or need from you.

Let’s be honest—it’s a lot of work. It is deeply exhausting. And the kicker? The likelihood of a person you have to chase actually being the right person for your life is incredibly low.

The Bravery of Attracting (And Why It Feels Hard)

On the flip side, when we choose to attract rather than chase, the dynamic completely changes.

To attract means to show up exactly as you are. You are unapologetically yourself, you put your genuine energy out into the world, and then... you wait.

"And man, that waiting can feel like an eternity."

Let’s validate that for a second. Choosing to attract instead of chase can feel incredibly lonely at first. When you stop chasing, the silence can be loud. You start to wonder: Is anyone ever going to show up? Am I always going to be on my own?

But having the patience and the faith that the right people will find you makes the wait entirely worth it. Because when they finally do show up, they are there because they truly want to be. They want to spend time with you, they appreciate you, they are into the things you’re into, and they truly align with your vibe.

Why Do We Chase in the First Place?

If chasing is so exhausting, why do so many of us—myself included—find ourselves doing it?

It usually comes down to two deep-seated things:

1. Unmet Needs: We are desperately trying to fill a void or get a need met that went neglected in our past.

2. Fear of Abandonment: That old, sticky fear that tells us if we don’t hold on tightly, everyone will leave.

We try to force people to stick around because the alternative—sitting with our own loneliness—feels too uncomfortable.

How to Shift from Chasing to Attracting

If you find yourself caught in the cycle of chasing people, I want to challenge you to hit the pause button today. Take a breath, sit with yourself for just a minute, and ask these two honest questions:

• What need am I trying to get met right now?

• What do I feel is missing inside of me?

Once you identify that root cause, it’s time to redirect your energy. Instead of chasing specific individuals who aren’t reciprocating, focus on finding community.

Go out and explore new places, new activities, and new groups where people show up naturally. Put yourself in environments where you can be authentic, and let the right connections form organically. You deserve to be surrounded by people who show up simply because they want to be around you.

Have a great day, and remember to protect your energy.

What are your thoughts on this? Have you found yourself chasing connections lately, or are you learning to sit in the patient space of attraction?

Click here to watch the discussion on the video short.