Aesthetic Alignment in Transformation

When we think about aesthetics or personal appearance, vanity often comes to mind. However, in the context of transformation, aesthetic alignment (our external physical expression) is actually a crucial part of feeling connected to oneself. When we look in the mirror, we see a visual representation of ourselves. If we feel that this image doesn't match who we truly are, we may experience a sense of disconnection from the self.

I'll share an example of how this works. I've been in the beauty industry for 27 years, working with people's appearances throughout my life. I've noticed is that there's real discomfort when someone looks in the mirror and doesn't feel like they see themselves. They might think, "My hair doesn't look right," or "I don't look right," or "Something's wrong, but I don't know what it is." This isn't necessarily because they want something unrealistic or are trying to achieve something impossible with their natural features. It's more about feeling that their appearance doesn't reflect who they are.

When I work with people in this capacity and help guide them through a transformation, I often ask them how they feel when we are done, not how they like the result. Feeling good about what we see is deeper than simply liking what we see, and ultimately more important to our overall well-being. I've had this experience multiple times throughout my life; I'll share a couple of more recent and particularly memorable examples.

When I turned 40, I had two salons and a school that I was choosing to close because my life was overrun by work. I basically had no personal life. Additionally, I was in a situation financially where I had to either find investors and answer to someone else for my own work and investments, or close everything and let it all go. I chose the latter.

When I made that decision, I didn't want to see myself the same way anymore. I wasn't going to be a salon owner, a school owner, or an admissions counselor. Those weren't going to be my roles anymore, and I didn't want to look in the mirror and see that person. So, I changed. I cut off all my hair, which had been quite long. I let the color grow out to my natural gray and white. I started working on a tattoo piece for which I had been holding onto an inspiration picture on my phone for over a decade. I changed my body shape by increasing my caloric intake and strength training more intensely. I started dressing differently, and I completely changed my image from when I was running all those businesses. I needed that change to see myself in a different light because I was different following such a major life shift.

Three years after that initial transformation, another change occurred during the height of COVID. As I began to work within a deep self-discovery space and gain an understanding of my authentic self. This internal work included re-entry into sobriety, releasing my old self-narrative, and letting go of attachment to people and things. My outlook on who I was changed dramatically through this process. I started to grow my hair and began changing the way I dressed.

Now, in 2024, I have a much different look than before. My clothes are long and flowing, my hair is long and blonde, and I have what some have referred to as a "gypsy-esque" expression in my aesthetic. Interestingly, I have discovered this newfound aesthetic to be deeply rooted in some of my genealogy. My current appearance is more authentic to who I am now, as opposed to the short-haired, muscular, tank-top-wearing, masculine appearance I had adopted after closing my businesses.

If you're facing a challenge where you feel disconnected from yourself when you look in the mirror, this could potentially be part of the problem. I'm here to tell you that it can change. Click the link below for a more in-depth video discussion on this topic.

Aesthetic Alignment in Transformation